Depression can significantly impact every aspect of a romantic relationship, and it’s natural to want to help. However, navigating how to best support a partner experiencing depression can be challenging. Should you offer space or provide reassurance? How do you offer encouragement while respecting their needs?
This guide outlines practical ways to offer support without sacrificing your own well-being. Small, consistent actions—like validating their feelings or helping them maintain a daily routine—can foster a sense of safety and connection for both partners.
Understanding How to Help
Mental health experts emphasize that supporting a partner with depression involves empathy, patience, and validation, rather than attempting to “fix” them. Here’s a breakdown of helpful actions and things to avoid:
Dos: Effective Ways to Offer Support
Here’s what mental health experts recommend for offering genuine and sustainable support:
- Validate Their Experience: Instead of trying to cheer them up or point out positive aspects, acknowledge their feelings. Saying things like, “I can see how hard this is for you” is more helpful than trying to talk them out of their feelings. Validation reduces feelings of shame and helps them feel understood.
- Encourage Seeking Professional Help: Depression can drain motivation, making seeking care difficult. Offer to help by researching therapists or accompanying them to appointments. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (available via text, online chat, and phone) provides support and resources for anyone struggling.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Depression recovery is often gradual. Acknowledging even minor achievements—like getting out of bed, making a meal, or attending therapy—can rebuild confidence and motivation. Recognizing these milestones emphasizes that they are progressing, even if slowly.
- Help With Daily Structure: When depression makes even simple tasks overwhelming, establishing gentle routines can be beneficial. Eating breakfast together or spending time in nature can reintroduce predictability and normalcy. Research indicates that maintaining daily routines is associated with a lower risk of persistent depression. Breaking tasks down into smaller steps can also reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.
- Communicate Openly: Your partner’s needs may change. Asking, “How can I best support you today?” can prevent misunderstandings. Some days they may need quiet presence, while other days they may benefit from encouragement to be active. This communication fosters trust and allows them to express their needs instead of worrying about what you think they need.
Don’ts: What to Avoid When Supporting a Partner
Good intentions don’t always translate into helpful actions. Here’s what to avoid doing:
- Don’t Try to ‘Fix’ Them: Depression isn’t something you can fix. Trying to do so can leave them feeling misunderstood or pressured. Encouraging professional treatment is a more effective approach.
- Don’t Minimize Their Feelings: Phrases like “just think positive” or “other people have it worse” can invalidate their pain and make them feel more alone. Acknowledging and validating their emotions is far more supportive.
- Don’t Confuse Withdrawal With Rejection: Depression often causes withdrawal and emotional distance. Understand that this is often a symptom of the illness, not a reflection of the relationship. Give them space while remaining emotionally available, letting them know you’re there when they’re ready.
- Don’t Neglect Your Own Boundaries: Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your well-being and a healthy relationship. Communicating your limits encourages understanding and fosters a balanced exchange.
- Don’t Try to Replace Professional Help: While love and support are vital, they aren’t a substitute for professional treatment. Encourage them to seek help from a qualified medical professional, and be their companion through the process.
Key Takeaways
Supporting a partner with depression requires empathy, patience, and validation, not attempting to “fix” them. Encourage professional help and open communication, but remember you can’t cure their depression or be their therapist. Prioritize your well-being through boundaries and self-care to consistently offer compassionate support.
Resources
- Kraft B et al. The Association Between Depression Symptoms and Reduced Executive Functioning Is Primarily Linked by Fatigue. Psychiatry Research Communications. June 2023.
- 10 Ways To Find Motivation While Depressed. Canadian Mental Health Association York Region and South Simcoe.
- Li TW et al. Coping Resources Mediate the Prospective Associations Between Disrupted Daily Routines and Persistent Psychiatric Symptoms: A Population-Based Cohort Study. Journal of Psychiatric Research. June 24, 2022.
- Woolston C. People Experiencing Depression Actively Fight to Manage Their Emotions. Washington University Arts & Sciences. July 5, 2023.
- Osler L. “An Illness of Isolation, a Disease of Disconnection”: Depression and the Erosion of We-Experiences . Frontiers in Psychology. August 4, 2022.
- Kupferberg A et al. The Social Cost of Depression: Investigating the Impact of Impaired Social Emotion Regulation, Social Cognition, and Interpersonal Behavior on Social Functioning. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports. August 3, 2023.
- Channa J. Healthy Connections: Setting Boundaries in Relationships. Council for Relationships. January 11, 2024.
Meet Our Experts
Seth Gillihan, PhD
Medical Reviewer
Seth Gillihan, PhD, is a licensed psychologist in private practice who helps people find personal growth through change in thoughts and habits. He is the host of the Think Act Be podcast and author of several books on mindfulness and CBT.
Kathleen Ferraro
Author
