Life rarely goes as planned. Most people operate under the assumption they are in control, yet unexpected events force us to confront the reality that this is often an illusion. However, major disruptions aren’t just setbacks—they reveal who we truly are and can be a catalyst for growth.
The Revelation in Disruption
The term “apocalypse,” derived from the Greek apokálypsis, means revelation. While change feels like an ending, it often exposes hidden truths about ourselves. Shankar, a former advisor in the Obama White House, explores this phenomenon in her work on resilience, drawing from cognitive psychology and neuroscience.
One striking example comes from the story of Olivia, a college student who suffered a brainstem stroke leaving her with locked-in syndrome. Unable to move or speak, she could only communicate by blinking. Before the stroke, Olivia was a chronic people-pleaser, constantly curating her image for approval. Afterward, that option vanished. Forced to confront her unfiltered self, she experienced a deeper self-acceptance than she had before.
The Illusion of Control
Humans overestimate their control over outcomes—an “illusion of control” that, while inaccurate, provides meaning and motivation. Research shows people often feel more stressed by uncertainty than by known negative outcomes, highlighting our aversion to unpredictability.
Instead of surrendering to chaos, Shankar advocates for reclaiming control through cognitive reframing and evidence-based tools. One key concept is the “end of history illusion,” the false belief that we’ve finished evolving. In reality, our beliefs, values, and coping skills remain malleable, especially during significant life changes.
Anchoring Identity to Purpose
Shankar suggests anchoring identity not to roles or labels (like “parent” or “violinist”) but to underlying motivations. When her own childhood hand injury ended her violin career, she realized she hadn’t lost the activity itself—but an identity. By shifting her focus to the emotional connection she felt through music, she found new ways to express it through storytelling and psychology.
This applies broadly. Identifying the deeper needs beneath roles creates a “softer landing” when circumstances change. For example, a parent who loses their child might redefine themselves not as a parent, but as someone who seeks and finds love and connection in new ways.
Psychological Tools for Resilience
Short-term denial can be a natural buffering mechanism during upheaval, but long-term adaptation requires integration. Strategies include:
- Self-Affirmation: Writing down intact and meaningful parts of your identity reduces rumination.
- Moral Elevation: Witnessing courage, kindness, or resilience in others expands our sense of what’s possible.
Change doesn’t just disrupt plans; it challenges our assumptions about control and meaning. By preparing our minds with flexibility, self-compassion, and curiosity, we can navigate upheaval with greater resilience.
Ultimately, the person who survives the transition is not the same as the one who started it. Life’s unexpected turns force us to grow in ways we couldn’t have imagined.
